To blog or not to blog, that is my question?
I haven’t posted for a few days now. In fact I didn’t visit my blog once yesterday or check twitter. Not once. For the first time since its conception I’ve been having second thoughts about it. I haven’t felt very inspired, and if I don’t have anything to say now, just 7 weeks in, what’s the future of this blog?
To be honest it’s been a crap few weeks. I spent the whole of February juggling childcare to attend job interviews, to be rewarded with a job offer which was local to home & school. Hooray…however, the job offer was then rescinded nine days later as the company had to “find ways to reduce its budgets”. UUUGGGHHH!!!!!
It has just reminded me that I am not a natural full time Stay-At-Home-Mum (SAHM)
Yet since moving out of London that’s what I’ve become. It wasn’t a role I intended to do, and not one that I’m instinctively made for (I’ve only made playdoh once in six years!!) it’s sort of one I fell in to.
We meticulously chose our Oxfordshire location to move out to
1. we plotted our commuter routes into the Big Smoke to allow us both the option of working
2. we vetted the schools and read as many OFSTED reports we could get our hands on
3. we targeted areas to ensure we were in catchment
4. we selected a style of home & garden to give our children a better quality of life
5. we elected to be a greater part of our children’s lives and reduce our childcare bills (!)
6. …but on reflection what we didn’t factor in was the emotional impact of being the new kids in town.
We were strangers in a strange town. We needed to put down roots, make new friends and establish ourselves in our new environment. As DadTired was back to commuting in and out of London two weeks after our move, this role fell on my shoulders.
On reflection, my role within the family structure was always going to change when we moved. I had to take on more (family) responsibility but for less pay!
Travelling from London to our market town isn’t far in commuter terms, but when school calls asking you to collect your daughter early from school, for the little girl waiting that hour & a bit (depending on where you are in London) it can feel like a lifetime.
So I swapped London for Local and in return I get more of my gorgeous Thing 1 & Thing 2.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love – and I mean LOVE – being at home for our children. Being such a fundamental part of their young lives is priceless. I’ve been able to attend every school play & concert which starts at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon, been on the sideline at every sports day, been a helper at the PTFA Christmas fate wrapping lucky dip prizes at 11am, and I’ve collected Mademoseille from school at 3pm every day.
But this isn’t quite what I had planned.
I was on maternity leave when we packed up our stuff and moved North. So my time was spent on the practical nature of being in a new place like finding the stop cock for the plumber, waiting for decorators/plumbers/tradesmen who promised to come round and never did(!) figuring out how to work the heating so we had hot water for bedtime, shooting back to London because I couldn’t find shops locally to buy school shoes *really, it’s true*
Then Mademoselle started school and the house/garden/garage is still no-where near being finished. And we seem to have slid into a second year SAHM.
I want to be a SAHM for some of the time – just not all of the time!
Does wanting to be part of the working world and not be mummy 24/7 mean I am not a good mummy?
Is wanting to have my own space and income again so I can splash out on some extravagant shoes which I’ll wear only twice selfish?
I suppose I want it all – that elusive job that allows for work/home balance as well as be able to attend school plays and host playdates.
But in the meantime, until my elusive job is found, this blog was meant for some ME time, and I need to remember that.
So on reflection I do have something to say about my quest for family/work-life balance and change which can hopefully by symbiotic, and a strong desire to record the progress of my perfect, little family.
So to blog or not to blog? On reflection, I think I’ll keep on blogging.
This week’s The Prompt word is ‘Reflection’
Sara says “a piece of writing can convey information, knowledge, emotion; it can take us to places we’ve never been and change our world view. It can make us cry or it can make us laugh. It can challenge our perceptions, our misconceptions. It can teach us” – and I agree. She ‘prompts’ bloggers with a word and they write what it means to them. Some of the prompts do what Sara set out to do, they make me stop and think.
Please use #ThePrompt as a springboard to discover more parents who blog.