It’s Friday afternoon and heading home via Paddington station, possibly one of the busiest places you can be on a Friday night, but I feel quite alone.
Probably because that’s what’s waiting for me when I get home.
Nothing & no one.
We have a swanky, child free wedding on Saturday & we’re staying over too! So I’m reprieved from doing Bedtime for two nights in a row as the children are having a sleepover with Mimi & Granddad.
I should be legging it down the pub for one too many G&Ts knowing there’s no early morning wake up call tomorrow.
My inner self is
shouting screaming “remember all those times stuck in Bedtime limbo…go for it!”
And that’s the thing. I want to but the emotional me feels guilty. When I get home the decibel screeching noise that usually bursts my eardrums on arrival won’t be there; the mass of shoes and school bags won’t be on the floor for me to pick up; the iPad won’t be playing Taylor Swift in one room competing with Blaze & The Monster machines on TV in the other; they’ll be no Hot Wheels on the stairs for me to injure myself on; there won’t be the panic countdown towards dinner as Little Mister starts to expire and the clock ticks close to 5pm.
If I’m honest I feel guilty that someone else is looking after my responsibilities this evening, even though I know both children and grandparents will have a ‘Super Awesome’ time, as Mademoiselle would say!. But not having the children in the house – even if they are just sleeping – feels strange.
Every Mummy deserves a night off, but I think I need to be weaned off the children rather than go cold turkey!
So, baby steps it is then: Here’s my (very personal) Top Five steps for preparing for a guilt free night off…
1. have one cheeky drink before getting on the train. I would normally be running home, all pistons firing, reading to do battle at Bedtime. Breaking that cycle and not rushing for a train will remind me that my time is my own…
2. loose myself in a magazine. I received a free copy of Shortlist, a magazine I haven’t indulged in for ages. It’s full of West End plays I’ll never see and gigs I’ll never go to, but for a moment it’s an opportunity to think about something that isn’t family related
3. call a friend at 7pm – one who doesn’t have children, obviously!! I’m reclaiming the Bedtime hours back as ME time!
4. have another drink…see point one!
5. indulge in front of the TV! I don’t need to cook a meal, so I can graze my way through the evening without having to share, say ‘No more’ or restrain myself with the chocolate as a means of setting a good example to the children!
I’ll be posting how I’m getting on Instagram, so I may catch you there.
Thanks for allowing me to share my guilty conscious!
I’m linking with Hannah and her #TheList, as this is my very personal list!